It’s been a week since I got back from a really short visit to India. Is it really short? Or wait, was I even there? These questions definitely popped up in my head. I must confess that I have been like this for the past 3 months. Maybe its the new job, new people and waking up at 7am. But I will not complain, things have never been better professionally and even people, they are all standing by me. But a week goes and I think what happened. Boom, I mostly recall nothing. Nothing fancy happened says my head, so what happened after all? Well, I figured out a lot over the last week. I know a few of my friends who have been coming out and talking about depression and how it affects you even when everything is okay. I thought, maybe it’s depression. Wait, what? Am I depressed? Am I not the fun guy who keeps jumping around, making stupid jokes? Haha! just questions.
Anyways, I owe a lot to my visit to India, I will come back to this. This is precisely why I started my blog last July. But I don’t know the blog right now, it looks a lot different from how I imagined it to be. So let’s come to the present, here is what is happening. I am going out much lesser than before (mainly because I work in Brussels and live in Ghent), I started running, hoping to make a comeback in football and I am playing Dota. These are things I did not before these three months. Am I trying to feel like me again? Why is this important? I dont know, but I think I figured out a bit during my visit to India.
So, I went to India for 4 days. My close friend from bachelors was getting married and I had decided that I will be there and my cousin was getting married then as well. It was going to be 15 hours from Brussels to Chennai and 15 hours back and seriously I do not mind this at all. Long story short, I travelled 30 hours by car inside the country within those 3 days to meet as many people as possible. What happened there? I think I figured out finally that all the things I mentioned above were happening to me.
To me, Home is a reference point to see who you were, what you are and what you are becoming.
Why is this Home? I think its this environment where the people somehow make you to live in that present moment.
Me, my cousins and my whole family are extremely lucky to have what we have. I have come to realise that it’s something many people do not have around me and I should be grateful for. I had cousins travelling those 30 kilometers with me just to spend time with me. My parents who would leave the remaining 30 people in the family to just pick me up 200 kms away, the cousin who would start crying because his cousin was scolded by her mother, basically they truly care.
The list goes on, the bottom line is I had to react, that is what happened. What it also made me think was how I was and how I reacted to this earlier and how I am dealing with all this now.
How can I forget about the food? Where does food fit in all this? Every meal I had there was so rich and filled with flavour. Even the simplest of meals made so much sense now. I also noticed that I do not waste food like before anymore. I cook or buy food myself here and that has changed me, living alone has changed me. How can we even possibly know that we have changed? For that, I think we all need a place that lets us be who we are now, while moving forward and behind time. When I knew that this happened to me, I decided to cook for 10 of us in the family one evening at my aunt’s place. The final meal was not a huge success, but it was a self notification to my sense of change, my sense of acknowledgement, and I think that was important, acknowledging what was happening around me and within me.
I am thinking for a second now, why did I start writing all this? I must say that it feels good for whatever it is.
For all the people who feel that nothing is happening and think life is being monotonous, I have something to say. Look at what you did in the last three months, ask yourself why you did this? If it is too difficult to understand what you did, maybe you need to visit a place (need not be physical) to just have a reference point, a Home.
If you are along with me all this way,
Thank you 🙂